Miscarriages are private, heartbreaking, and incredibly sad experiences that are not often openly discussed. It may, therefore, be difficult for us to fully know how to help someone experiencing this personal type of loss. It does not matter how far along the person was in the pregnancy; a miscarriage is a loss that may require its own grieving period.

Here are 5 ways you can better support a friend who’s experienced a miscarriage:

1. Understand the loss.
First of all, get to know the physical, emotional, and mental toll the miscarriage had on your friend. Grieving over this loss is a process, no matter how far along in the pregnancy. A loss is a loss and accordingly requires its time and space to heal.

2. Let them talk about it.
Sometimes a person grieving desires their privacy to physically and mentally heal, while others need just the opposite: TALKING. Emotions can vary from sadness to guilt, to concern about the future or even their relationship. Follow their lead and allow them to express openly and freely about their experience if they want to, and let them share their pain to a calm and supportive friend.

3. Try not to minimize.
Sometimes we may get stuck in knowing what to say and try to offer our supportive affirmations to our friend to help them feel better. Although we intend to help, sometimes a grieving person may not benefit from hearing things like “you can try again” and “you’re still young” or “at least it was early in the pregnancy.” Instead, hug them, hold their hand, lend them a supportive ear, and wait it out with them.

4. Share your story.
Unfortunately, there is very little that you can do to reassure your friend that they’ll feel better about their loss in a few days or weeks. But if you’ve had a similar experience, share your story to give them comfort that someone they know has been through it and they’re not in it alone.

5. Send flowers or a cooked meal.
Some people are not as open in talking about their feelings right away. Others may not get there. While that may be the case, they may still feel loved and comforted by receiving a beautiful bouquet that shows you are thinking of them and are there for them. Some may even feel relieved to come back from the hospital to a cooked meal so they know they can rest and be looked after by their thoughtful friend.

Lastly, sometimes it may be helpful to start by asking your friend HOW you could better support them during this time. Would they like their space for some time or do they want to talk about it straight away? Are they ok with you asking questions to try and comprehend their loss? Is there anything that they need right now? Would they prefer speaking to a professional? Help support and validate their requests.

*A special note: if you or somebody you know need support, please send me a message. I’d love to get in touch 💕*